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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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We’re laughin’, eatin’, and then I see this dance group performin’. They’re doin’ some traditional Croatian dance, and I’m like, “I could totally do that!” Spoiler alert: I can’t. I tried to join in, and let’s just say, I looked like a flailing octopus. Everyone’s laughin’ at me, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, I meant to do that!”

Tamburica and Mandolin: Uniting Slavonian and Dalmatian culture